DownloadCastle

As my day on the internet comes to a close i would just like to update you all on my status... just because i feel like it... reading this or not is all up to you.. no ones forcing you. well im forcing Whisper to... but only because i have not talked to him in a while so he must read my life's measurable down turn on here.


For starters. New years eve day i was unable to move from my bed. my boss made me come to tears because i was "worthless" & a "Mistake" witch are things i have heard all my life from my fathers sister(aka my aunt). so there goes my lovly depression...

New years eve night i got TOTALLY SMASHED and called my boss at about 11:30 on her work phone and left her a message telling her i could not work with someone that is as two faced as her. she is nice to me when i let her push me around and make me do her job in putting thing in the storage closet, and "Asking" me stay after work without pay to help others finish there jobs. and than turn around and be a total controlling bitch when i cant move enough to walk without crying because i have been working so hard to make her happy. na i did not say that i just told her i was "not coming into work next year" and hung up... but this is why..

New years day- woke up in my friends house... thinking "HOW the hell did i get here?"

a few weeks ago- my bf of two months and i broke up and that following weekend i went out to drink. i got smashed again and tried to walk to his house in blizzard that closed down the roads IN town. and fell into a snow bank for a few minutes before my one sober friend at the party caught up with me and took me back inside... but continued to let me drink... not much i stopped myself

The next day- we had more liquor so we had a smaller party which i drank most of what was left. my starting goal was to drink my self to death... (don't worrie im getting help with my depression now... so its all good). but i ended up changing my mind because "I like to drink to much to die now" is what i told myself... Yes im and Alcoholic.. and i know it... that's the first step am i right?

Few weeks after- my bf and i worked things out and are still no longer Bf/GF but are "Committed to each other" and he is not allowing me to drink when we are together... and when im not with him im with my bff dani who also does not allow me to drink... unless i get some liquor in her... so shes no help really... but i don't WANT to drink... i mean i do but i know its bad for me and i have a high will power so i think ill be fine...

4 days ago- something happened to me... because i drank... and it makes it very hard for me to sleep at night now... i have not drank since than. i want to... but i wont... and this took just the right amount of time... i now have to go so ill talk to you all later... thank you for reading this... and thanks for your support... even if you say nothing just by venting i feel better.